Annoyance
by Shynn
Summary: Lavi figures out he's only Kanda's annoyance. He tries to detach himself from his highschool crush, but his feelings threaten to overwhelm him.
1. Reckoning

Lavi looked down at his hands, callused and intertwined under his school desk. He could only think of the man sitting next to him with a scowl on his face. Currently that man was his best friend and his biggest crush, Yuu Kanda. The man, if you could call him that at the age of eighteen, was tall and handsome. No blemishes on his skin, his hair was long, long, _long_, and perfect. It was always tied up but when it wasn't Lavi knew what he would dream of that night.

The contradicting thing about Yuu Kanda was that he was an absolute and total dick. He didn't play well with others and he lacked any social media skills. Lavi had tried to rectify that one day but all it got him was a blank facebook page with an icon of his best friend glaring out to the audience.

Kanda glanced over at him and Lavi stopped picking the ink from under his nails. He didn't want Kanda to think he was dirty. Even if he was. Kanda watched him for a moment before returning to his notes. Lavi could tell he was troubled by something, since generally the other ignored him to focus on his school work. Lately Kanda had been moody, more so than usual, and Lavi pried and pushed every day to try and figure out why. Most of the time it ended in an argument and Kanda storming off.

Lavi wanted to be there for him though, even if he didn't want it.

The redhead wrote on the corner of his paper, tearing it off and passing it to his friend. In his perfect handwriting it was just a simple note, 'lets talk after class.' Kanda didn't have the chance to read it as the teacher snapped his pen down on the overhead.

"Lavi, Kanda!" the man started, " You know you aren't allowed to pass notes, _especially_ when I'm going over your review material for the final. Or do you think you have it all down now?"

Well honestly Lavi did. This point in class he was just here for attendance but Kanda on the other hand was not so well off.

"No sir, um… please continue," Lavi answered before Kanda could say something offensive and stupid to the man. The teacher stewed in his anger a bit before moving on. Lavi hated how teachers all though their class was important, or their information vital to life. He looked over to smile at Kanda but stopped when he saw his note crumpled and the legendary death eyes glaring down at him. Lavi snapped his attention away to the front of the room, hoping the wrath of Kanda wouldn't be all that bad today.

The hope was in vain. After class Kanda pushed him up to a wall. He yelled and said things Lavi was trying to block out now but some of it just rang around in his chest. How tight Kanda's fist was in his shirt, the sheer hatred in his voice, those few sentences that were harsh and made to cut.

"_I fucking hate you_. I don't want to be you're god damn friend. I don't even want to _know_ you. So leave me alone already."

He didn't yell those words he whispered them slowly. He meant every word and Lavi realized that maybe from the beginning Kanda was only putting up with him. He realized, as he lay on his bed that night, what he had to do. His chest felt like it was collapsing on itself, he had made the one person he cared about hate him. Bothered him so much, annoyed him so much, that he actually made Kanda's days worse. He didn't listen to the other's words always brushing them off as joking but he now knew it was all truth.

He would man up, Lavi thought to himself, and apologize. Leave Kanda alone and try to act like he wasn't entirely devastated.

As he slept that night his dreams were not of the dark haired man, but of himself. Alone and forgotten.


	2. Man up

Over the next few days Kanda watched Lavi intentionally avoid him. He thought that having the redhead out of his day to day would be a blessing. He thought it would give him freedom and space to breathe. He _thought_ he wouldn't miss him. If he were honest with himself he'd admit that he was a huge ass and that watching his 'friend' mope was actually a big thorn in his side.

The other 'friends' were starting to ask questions. It wasn't really their business so he never answered. He knew he had to man up and …fix things. But he didn't want to tell the truth. That he was failing his classes, that he was actually crushing on the only person who actually cared about him. That he was actually worried about his future.

He didn't have time for Lavi, for a crush, or to figure out how to _be_ gay. He had to ace his exams or fail. His concentration was gone though, he couldn't focus on anything but how he had intentionally shot the other down like a bird hit with a rock mid-flight. He didn't know what to say that would make it right.

Lavi on the other hand knew exactly what to do.

The days after the realization were hard. At lunch he had to find somewhere else to sit because all of his other friends crowded around Kanda. Who he was trying to avoid. He didn't notice the other man watching him. Didn't notice the spark of regret in his eyes or the way he only moved his food around the styrofoam tray.

Actually Lavi was doing his very best to sit quietly at lunch and let a few cheerful tunes from his ipod lift his spirits. His dirty paint stained fingers tapped at the cafeteria table in time with the music as he ate. The other members of that particular table didn't bother him, but as they simultaneously looked up Lavi's interest piqued. He turned to see Kanda standing behind him, his hands in the pockets of his jacket. For a second it was like Lavi's mind was in hyper drive. He could take out his earbuds and hear what the man had come over for, which would make his chest hurt again. He could also leave his music on and read his lips, pretending that he was keeping his distance. The last option was that he could just turn around and go back to eating, which would be the only option to better himself and his future as, eventually, he would move on from Kanda. In the split second before the dark haired man spoke, Lavi made his decision.

He took out his earbuds and looked up at the other expectantly.

"You can stop pouting now. Come sit with the rest of us, Lenalee wants to tell you about some dumb comic she read," his voice trailed off at the end and eyes were narrowed slightly. Lavi sighed and already knew what to say. He had seen this scenario as a possible occurrence.

"Mn I'm almost done, I'll just go to the library in a sec anyway-" Lavi was interrupted when Kanda stepped forward and reached for him. The hand stopped before touching anything and Kanda hesitated with his words.

"I …I'm fuckin sorry okay? I shouldn't have yelled at you. You can stop beating yourself up and just come back." His teeth were grit together, his hands in loose fists. After a moment of silence he continued, "Shit, okay yeah I said some fucked up stuff to you. I didn't mean it okay? You don't have to sit here like a sad puppy or something."

Lavi's eyebrows furrowed, "did Lenalee make you apologize or somethin'?" Kanda scoffed and took his wrist firmly, pulling him up and dragging him out of the cafeteria. "Hey wait Kanda where are we going? Let go-"

His wrist was released in the empty hall. Kanda took a deep breath.

"I want to be your friend, so stop. I said that shit because I … I'm dealing with other stuff. I was angry and you were there. That's it," he admitted as he stared into Lavi's one eye.

Lavi was skeptical. Well, his mind was. His heart was beating fast and hard. He looked away, twisting a loop on his pants nervously.

"I wish…that you woulda told me somthin' was wrong. I could have helped ya know," the words came on their own. His body was talking for him at this point. "I know you ain't got the best grades right now and I know yer parents are kinda being dicks but you-" he stopped and shook his head. He was going to blame Kanda, say that he shouldn't have taken his anger out on others but that wouldn't get them anywhere. "I can help you. You know, like a tutor."

Kanda scoffed and rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. His tone was a bit less serious when he spoke. "How come you know about my grades huh?"

Lavi grinned, still hurt inside but wanting so badly to move on, "I was gonna cheat off you last week but your test looked like it was having a crisis." Kanda sighed and moved to fix his pony tail. In the silence that neither of them wanted to break the bell of the school rung viciously loud. Kanda looked up at Lavi and set his usual stony face.

"Come to my house at five if you're going to tutor me. Don't be late." And with that he walked of, hair swishing in time with his saunter.


	3. Once again

Lavi dreamed of sweet and tender kisses on Kanda's couch.

It would be his first kiss with a boy, he imagined it would be harder than with a girl. The soft curves gone and the muscle and bone much more rigid than the flexibility of a woman. He figured that they would slowly inch closer without a word spoken between them and that the kiss would slowly escalate into some kind of…heated passion?

That day when he went to Kanda's house to tutor him his dream couldn't have been more wrong. The couch was the wrong color, first of all, and the coffee table was made of glass. Also Kanda's quiet and uptight parents didn't bustle in and out of the room in his dream as they did in real life.

"So um," Lavi started as he set the textbooks on the coffee table, "let's start by looking at mistakes on your last test." His eye wandered around the living room curiously, it was quite bland and boring. Not at all fitting Kanda's personality. The walls were just beige and the floor wasn't hardwood or tile it was just shitty carpet. It wasn't elegant, it wasn't angry or messy. It was just boring. There weren't even any family photos or pictures. A rock on the side of the road had more taste than the entirety of the room. Lavi bit the inside of his lip and sat on the couch next to Kanda, who looked apprehensive and reluctant.

Kanda glanced at his parents, who were watching from the kitchen door way and sighed, taking the test out of his backpack. He handed it to Lavi and mourned for what would be his lost sanity over this 'study session'.

It started off rather well actually. The redhead was smarter than Kanda gave him credit for. But every time that Lavi had to stop and explain something he could hear his parents in the kitchen whisper and sigh. They thought of him as a failure and he knew it. He felt like he was in court, accused for a crime he didn't commit.

"Yuu?" Lavi asked quietly, "why don't we go up to your room to finish this?"

Kanda nodded silently and led the way, glad for the retreat. Although this scenario was familiar in Lavi's dreams there was just something wrong with this house. Everything seemed too serious, too heartless.

"Next time we go to your house."

Lavi's house was very… lived in. Kanda dropped his backpack off on a wooden dining table that wobbled, despite the small piece of cardboard under the short leg. As he looked around he saw cracks in the kitchen tile, cupboard doors that were slightly ajar. On the table was a sloppy but plentiful plate of crackers and cheese. The sunlight seeped in through a window with splits in the paint around the frame, illuminating the smile Lavi had on his face and lighting up his one eye like a gem.

Kanda watched him, could not look away from someone who looked so happy and energized. His gaze scanned the red hair, the highlights of which were orange from the pure light of the sun. When Lavi took off his elastic bandana and scruffled his own hair Kanda's eyes instead went to the others nose. There were very pale freckles there, some dotting his cheeks.

"Hope you like flashcards Yuu! I made a bunch for you to take home but we can start with them today," Lavi announced, breaking Kanda's long stare.

"Whatever rabbit, it won't help," he replied as he sat in an uncomfortable and too short chair.

"Don't say that, I promise you'll pass with my help."

Kanda grumbled and took some of the crackers, too keep from looking around. As they started he realized how hard he would have to work to pass and how much effort Lavi was putting into the whole ordeal.

"Why do you care so much? Why go through all this trouble for me?" Kanda questioned the other as he pulled out the flash card Lavi made him do. Lavi rolled his eye and put his chin in his hand.

"Cuz' I like you?"

"Che, that's a stupid reason," Kanda replied with a small curl to his lips.

Lavi was _not_ a merciful tutor. He was relentless, ruthless, and irritatingly cunning. As the weeks went on Kanda actually found it comfortable to be around the other, learning and understanding things. His grades slowly clawed their way back up to passing. It kind of wore him out though, and the only social contact he had was limited to the redhead.

Still Kanda found he didn't really mind so much. He almost felt like the other boy knew what he wanted, and didn't care. It wasn't like Kanda dropped hints or was blunt, he just. Felt close.

The trust was broken on a Thursday. Kanda had shown Lavi a test he made a ninety-eight on. _Nighty_-_eight_, and Lavi just out of the blue hugged him and kissed him right on the lips. For a moment Kanda was shocked, then he felt anger. He saw his classmates staring at them in horror and surprise. He saw Lavi's stupid grin and how stupidly proud he was, so Kanda just _stupidly_ pushed the other down. He had wanted to kiss Lavi, more than that actually but _no_ he just had to ruin it. But with the other kids watching him he had a reputation to maintain, a certain image he represented.

"Don't ever do that again, Bookman."

He turned away from his friend, his crush, and silently apologized for once again ruining a good thing.


End file.
